Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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