Hey man sorry I got all grabby
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
