remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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