good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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