I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
