sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
