if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
you didnt know i had herpes?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
