He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
