i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
