She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
