He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
