I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
and you said cock pushups were impossible
someone owes me an orgasm
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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