My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize