Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
