you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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