It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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