not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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