every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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