Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
