thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
