Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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