Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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