where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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