i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
