You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
