i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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