I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
