It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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