it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
