Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
