i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize