I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
