Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
