How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize