If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
