He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
