the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
