Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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