I must be too annoying 4 u.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
