I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
