real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
