Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
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