Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
