At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
