I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
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