yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
being pregnant is like rehab
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
