She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
