This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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