craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
