So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
