I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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