Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
