I'd wear matching sweaters with you
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
