I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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