i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Pants are for mortals
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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