the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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