I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
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