Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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