I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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