Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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