yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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