Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Randomize
