the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
